After a day in bed, red eyes scanning the computer screen and sweaty fingers pounding the keys trying to produce a Div III introduction what does one do? Go to Club Rain in Springfield? Why not?!
I was unattractively reclining in bed, sans pants and old tshirt when my room was invaded by girls, dressed in their slut regalia, pounding beers to "pre-game" for a night of being hit on by Axe drenched horny dudes from Hartford who have Pilgramaged all the way to the fine city of Springfield hoping to get laid.
I was assigned DD which is fine. But by the time we got there and men who were badly in need of a teeth brushing (No, people of the world, you cannot subsitute a tic tac for a toothbrush!) were doing an impression of dancing that was far too similar to just straight up humping unsuspecting girls. I was far too sober to handle half mast penis against my leg. And PS to the creepy guy who danced with me for one song too long, when I said, "hey, I have to go find my friends.. see ya!" that didn't mean "yeah, so now that you're pretty much my boyfriend why don't we meet up later". Ugh. Come on!
Oh and my favorite was the guy who came up to me as I was leaving.
"Hey, I've been in clubs for years and I think you're a phenomenal dancer"
"Um, great."
"Can I buy you a drink"
"No... I am leaving."
" Can I get yr number?"
"Um, no..I'm from Peru and I am only in the US for a few more days.. I dont have a phone"
"Oh! Well let me give you my number and I'll show you all around America.."
He takes a napkin and writes "Anthony", his phone number and then the word "Peru", mysteriously with a tilde over the "e".
In case I forgot where I was from?
LOL.
I'm not from Peru.
I have to go back to work!
Love,
Dimes
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